The Joke Thread (NWS)

04wrx

Member
I'll start this one:

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging out of his pants.

The bartender says "hey you know you got a steering wheel hangin out of your pants."

and the pirate said "AAARRRR ITS DRIVIN ME NUTS!"

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Chris

YARRR SUBY MONSTER!!
I'm trying to think of a joke I can post here... most of the ones I know are to bad to post even in this forum..

 

jwebsta32

New member
^ Prove it.....
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I'll start this one:
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging out of his pants.

The bartender says "hey you know you got a steering wheel hangin out of your pants."

and the pirate said "AAARRRR ITS DRIVIN ME NUTS!"

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you son of a gun I was going to post that hahaha you beat me too it

 

Tyler

Active member
Can I post my incredibly horrible jokes that involve some high and mighty religious figure?
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I have no problem with said figure, but I think they are so funny and so wrong at the same time and I'm probably going to hell for telling them ... so .. is that okay?
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Tyler

Active member
Okay, you asked for it.

Why did Jesus stop playing hockey?

He was tired of getting nailed against the boards.
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Why did Jesus die on the cross?

He forgot the safe word! (see: bondage)

This one is great, but it's hard to tell without being in person, but I'll try ...

Why do all the chicks love Jesus?

Because he's hung like this*!

* Raise arms up like your hung on the cross.

And ... just because I'm already going to hell ... this was an Obama joke before he was elected ... I'M NOT RACIST AT ALL, I SWEAR!

What did Obama's wife dress up as on Halloween?

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Feel free to delete these if they're too bad.

And no, I have nothing against Jesus either.
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04wrx

Member
Those are nothing, here a few bad ones:

Whats worse than 10 dead babies in one trashcan?

1 dead baby in 10 trash cans.

Whats red and bubbly and scratches at your window?

A baby in a microwave.

How do you fit a dead baby into a cup?

Put it in the blender.

How do you get it out?

A straw.

 

Tyler

Active member
What do Cher and Maine have in common?

Neither one is LOVING sunny (Sonny)!

 
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Carter

Administrator
My 1 day employment

So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter, a good find for many retirees,

I lasted less than a day......

About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud,

unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids,

Yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly,

'Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart.

Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say,

'Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest is 9, and the other is 7.

Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?'

So I replied,

'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am,

I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice.

Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.'

My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.

 

Chris

YARRR SUBY MONSTER!!
Q: what's black, white, red all over, and can't turn around in the hallway?

A: A nun with a spear through her head!

 

Ryan

New member
"I recently asked my friend's little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?'

She replied, 'I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.'

Her parents beamed, and said "Welcome to the Democrat Party!"

'Wow...what a worthy goal.' I told her, 'But you don't have to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house.'

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, 'Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?' I smiled and said, 'Welcome to the Republican Party.'

Her parents still aren't speaking to me."

 

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